you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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