Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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