Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
