Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
