I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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