Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
