Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
