He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
