You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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