So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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