What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
