ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
