I wish I could teleport
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
