The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
