You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
