ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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