have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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