Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
