oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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