3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
