She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
