I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize