your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize