my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
