worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Damn victory sex feels great
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
