its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
