Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
