you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
