Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize