Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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