dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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