I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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