Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
this is an emotional support booty call
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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