why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
