So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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