Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
