You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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