I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize