if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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