Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
