Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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