I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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