i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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