roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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