You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
