Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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