so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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