But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
