I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
