your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love accidental penises.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
