i permit you to call me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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