I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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