shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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