Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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