Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Someone signed my nipple.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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