things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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