I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
