I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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