I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
