WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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