whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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