my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
