We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
