Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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