she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She's the barista slut.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
