Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
