The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
