I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
