the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize