Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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