I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize