hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
