you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
