I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
