Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
