I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
